Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Always read the label

You know, when you buy food, everything you need to know is on the label. Wouldn't life be so much easier if people had the same? Now I know what you're going to say. "finding out is half the fun" but I'm not saying put everything in print, just the important things.

So what would I put on these people labels?

Well for starters single status. Think how better it would be if we had a clue from the get go. Ladies, for one you wouldn't be hit on all the time when your partner is elsewhere. As much of a confidence booster as it is, I'm told it is annoying. Then we come to dating, how much easier would it be if we knew who was available right from the start?

Sexuality. Yep I said sexuality. In this modern society we have all sorts to contend with, and quite frankly it makes things messy. This is something that is recently giving me trouble. I met someone cute, I really start to like them but oh dear, I don't have enough ovaries for their taste. Come on people, let the rest of us know which way you swing!

Religious conviction. Now I don't care which God you believe in or what church you go to, but all I'll say is that someone who goes to church more than twice a week and someone who intensely dislikes the whole setup, should never meet.

The next one is a bit tricky. You see most of us are completely oblivious to the signs that someone likes us. A little hint on the people label might be a good idea, something along the lines of "you stand a chance so don't blow it" would be good.

If you don't want to walk around with a tag glued to your face, then I guess the next best thing is to just say what you think. If you like someone, say so. Talk about your beliefs and ideals. Be open with your sexuality, don't ever be ashamed. No-one actually cares that much these days.
The only thing keeping us back is fear. Fear of rejection, but what if we're accepted? It's a risk worth taking.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Can I get off now please?

I have periods of crippling depression, mostly for good reasons. The problem is that I'm pretty good at hiding it. So I fester in my own little dark world while others think it's business as usual. Of course if some dipshit shrink was to analyze me they would come up with all sorts of crap that doesn't actually help, but at the end of the day I've just got to hang on tight and ride it out.

It's hard to describe what these funks are like, and harder still to imagine that anyone else could understand. Perhaps putting these thoughts and feelings into words helps....then again who gives a shit?

What is more interesting is the random crap my brain comes up with when the rest of me doesn't want to keep going. For example, just today most of my being was screaming to go and do something silly when a naughty little thought popped up. Is it possible to de-evolve?

Take a look at humans and chimps. Yes humans are more intelligent, and we have the whole opposable thumbs thing going....but in every other respect, we are inferior to chimps. Our ape cousins have fewer diseases, fewer genetic defects, almost no allergies, they are physically stronger and can withstand greater environmental extremes than we can. So who is the more advanced creature?

I say the human race would be better off if we buggered off back into the trees, used our feet as hands and occasionally threw our shit at each other...OK we kind of do that last one already, but I hope you get my point. The more "advanced" we get, the more fragile we become. Is it coincidence that as hygiene and anti-bacterial soaps become more and more fashionable, asthma also increases?

I say let kids play in the mud. Make them lick their chickenpox addled friends. Climb trees and enjoy life, don't fear it.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Dipshit say what now?

It has been brought to my attention that maybe I'm not such a bad guy after all. Mainly because a certain female friend insists I'm nice, and she isn't all that happy with me right now, but also because Almighty D randomly gave me a pressie. To say those that know me know me all too well is a slight understatement. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this here, and I really can't be arsed checking, but I do have a slight obsession with fairies. So when Almighty D hands me a fairy figurine for being a good mate, and I quote "I saw it and just had to get it for you.", I do kinda have to rethink a few things.

Firstly I think I should downplay the whole fairy thing, people might get the wrong idea, or worse, the right idea. Secondly I can't be all that bad. It really means a lot when someone like Almighty D shows that kind of affection towards you. It was a small gesture really, one that many of us make without thinking, but really it says a lot.

So of course I get to thinking. We all make these gestures that say so much, and yet none of us really pay much attention. Now I've had an idea, a challenge really. why don't you pay attention for a week and see who really cares about you. Who loves you enough to drop everything when you have a bad day? Who remembers how you have your tea without asking? Who cares enough about you to think of you when you're not around?

Try it for a week, pay attention to all the little things. You might be surprised at how many people care about you, or maybe someone thinks of you more than you realise.

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Ode to self

There have been times in my life when I really don't understand what the point is. You see I know I'm an arsehole, if I was someone else I wouldn't be friends with me. There are many things I enjoy doing, but I can no longer do them. I suffer from almost crippling loneliness, yet I don't particularly like other people. People annoy me, especially people I actually like. So to save the friendship, I disappear for a while. I ration out my time with those I want in my life. But I get comfortable being alone. I enjoy the solitude, the raging silence in my head.

What is it that makes us need company? Why are we so dependant on social contact?

I have a theory, so brace yourselves.
Whatever we think of ourselves is almost always wrong. Think you're fat? probably wrong. Think you're intelligent? Almost certainly wrong. So we need other people's opinions to tell us who and what we are. Sure there are going to be times when they bend the truth to save our feelings "no of course you don't look fat in that dress honey!" is a classic, but if enough people are telling you the same thing...well it's probably true, no matter what you think.

Which brings up a rather interesting question. Why can we be more honest about other people than we can about ourselves? OK, so no-one wants to think of themselves as a fat arsehole with a tiny I.Q. but surely acknowledging your faults is the first step to fixing them?

What do you do when you can't fix the faults? When you like them, when you like being an arsehole? What do you do when people keep wanting to be your friend, or worse, and all you want to do is tell them to fuck off? Answers on a postcard.

I suppose this rant was started by someone trying to be nice and said I'd make a good husband for someone one day. No, no I won't. I don't even make a good human being at times. I'm an arsehole, I'm broken, but I like it that way. It's far more interesting.