Not the Dada

A few years ago I had a rater lovely, and naughty, weekend with a rather lovely lady friend. For various reasons, some beyond my control and some just plainly my own fault, we parted ways for 3 years.
I was pleasantly surprised to get back in contact with her. Her life is going well, 2 kids and back on track with her hubby. Her kids are gorgeous and she has big plans for her future, so naturally i was well chuffed for her....then my brain had a spaz attack.
You see it was a touch over3 years ago when i had the pleasure of her affections, and her eldest is nearly 3.....now my maths isn't great and i can be pretty slow at times, but that sounds like a gap resembling pregnancy.

probably now is a good time to say i love kids, my life simply will never be complete till I'm a dad. so naturally it was mental meltdown time. one the one hand, my dreams could have come true. on the other yet another person gets the pleasure while i sit and watch on the sidelines. Now me being me, i start to convince myself that i must be the daddy. i got myself quite upset that she hadn't told me, that i may have missed out on nearly 3 years. i built up the courage and asked.

when i received the answer i wasn't ready for my reaction. i was off the hook, yet i felt like someone had punched a hole in my chest and ripped out my heart. someone had stolen a daughter from me. how does anyone come back from that?

it took me a few hours before the perverted part of my brain got back from it's weekend away. you see the lady in question was on a trial separation from her hubby, and had been for over a month when we nekkid together. as it turns out she was just about 6 or 7 weeks pregnant at the time. my pervert brain put 2 and 2 together and came up with sex. "hang on, we did a pregnant chick? coooooool"
now that's not a thought I'm proud of, but fuck it, it's something to tick off on the list. then pervert brain had another thought "we still get to knock someone up". this thought, as crass as it was delivered, was a much nicer one. i get to fall in love, create a life, and not screw it up.....er well try not to anyway.

i realise now that i still have that dream, that goal, to look forward to. and if I'm really lucky, i might even get paid to eat chocolate one day.